Pondering days and sleepless nights can only lead to trouble. A space for things that make me happy. I write, I reblog, I find things that make me happy.


Pie and John Wayne… And other things of a rough day.

So, as per usual here I feel like I’ve been slacking in the writing thing. I mean, I’ve had Thanksgiving, an overnighter, black Friday and that was only 3 days. So I’m going to go back and talk about everything that is on my mind right now. 

I could go back as far as Mesquite where I figured out some really important things about my current dating relationship, but that’s already kind of been hinted towards and there were a couple of posts already about that, or the memory of that. 

So I’ll start at Magic Mountain for the moment. I know I posted some pics of it but I didn’t really take the time to write or even really process it. I drove down with my best friend and it was a great time. She met, and approved of new guy and we rode rides, acquired voodoo dolls (kinda our thing) and in general had mischievous times. I also was super comfortable with him and there was (to me) a perfect level of PDA, even though I didn’t get to give him a proper goodbye kiss.. oh well. We made up for it later. 

So the next weekend was the Eric Church concert with my big and we went and grabbed dinner with most of my Kappa fam and it was a blast. We shared stories and are finally getting along as a cohesive group. The concert was good, it wasn’t great. I guess I was disappointed in it because I didn’t know a ton of the songs, and unlike (don’t hate me) the Nickelback concert I went to, it didn’t make me love them. Sure there were a few songs that I’m going to eventually go out of my way to make sure it makes it onto my iPod but nothing that I can’t already live without. Went to the Westerner with my big after the concert and was not really in the mood for the crowds and what not. Either that or I’m finally calm enough to be happy in a relationship which to me, means being faithful (for starters). I know this because, instead of being on the dance floor where I am usually guaranteed to be, I was more happy to be on the phone (however briefly)with him. 

The next weekend was Thanksgiving weekend. Oh so much time and effort for 2 short little days. I drove home on Weds, had dinner with the family and then he made it into town. It was amazing just to finally be able to hold him after some of the drama that had been going down with his ex and the friend and all my little insecurities that popped up. We had some surprises for each other and that resulted in more than a little lost sleep, but was completely worth it because I was in his arms. I would have honestly been content with just that but everything else was an added bonus. We then fell asleep holding hands on my parent’s couch and it was fabulous. Woke up on Thanksgiving day, grabbed family friend and commenced standard turkey day festivities… trying not to nibble anything in sight while awaiting the turkey to finish bbq’ing. (okay, that part maybe not so normal, but delicious). There was eventually alcohol, good(ish) food and wonderful entertainment… and by wonderful I mean joking talking and as per usual movie time. At least it wasn’t bad movie night. There are only so many of those that I can stand. And I’m sure in May/June and on I’ll have to start surviving them again for social life, but that will be okay I guess. Many hilarious jokes were made and almost promptly forgotten except in the lone texts to the best friend/roommate. Then there was much lack of sleep and up at 330 am to make it to work for evil (black) Friday where I didn’t get off work until 12:39 am… then promptly passed out. Had an overnighter the next day and managed to survive with little sleep deprivation, admittedly there was much sleeping during the day.

So that brings us to today (Sunday), which would have been my grandpa’s 94th birthday had he not passed away. I’m normally okay not having him in my life, but for some reason today was rough. I kept remembering all the little things about him. Like how he would vacuum and mop on Wednesdays or how he would have sheet changing day, where he would come in, wake me up and wrap me up in the sheet and take me out to the hall, the whole time talking about how heavy the sheet was and me giggling like a madman the entire time. Or how he would drive (or walk) me to and from elementary school every day. And when I would get home, he would have a snack waiting for me, either an apple arranged in a very pretty pattern or maybe an orange or possibly some other fruit type thing… maybe cheese-its… it really depended. Then I would sit with him and work on my homework and he would help if he could, making flash cards for vocabulary or multiplication. Or there would be the summer time where we would sit at the kitchen table and play war for hours on end. There would be the way he said my full name.. or how he would compare me and my dad’s side of the family to monkeys, or tell my grandma that she wasn’t feeding a damn army with dinner. There would be the times where we would discover him eating salmon and ice cream together in one sitting. There would be the Saturday dance classes that he would drive me to, the endless haflas and recitals that he wouldn’t miss. There would be the Xmases that made sure the wrapping paper wouldn’t hit the floor for longer than thirty seconds. There was also the month straight where my grandpa would cut out pumpkin pie recipes for my mom to make, leaving the recipe and ingredients on our table for when she got home. We eventually settled on the pumpkin and granny smith apple pie. But he ate all of the other ones diligently. This of course happened when my grandma was out of town, either in China or Wisconsin with my aunt. There were other times where he was out in the back yard watering the plants… it was a veritable Garden of Eden. But there were also the times when he was mean stubborn and ornery. My dad was one of his favorite victims  especially after a night of his martinis or beer. I remember those nights, but it never really seemed like my grandpa would turn on me. At least, not when I couldn’t handle it. I’m slightly relieved he didn’t make it to see who I chose to date at the time. I’m pretty sure I would never live down some of the choices. The thing I remember the most though, were the Friday night rituals. 

For some preface, my parents, grandparents and I all lived in one house. 

Every Friday it would be date night for my parents, my grandma would go out gambling and my grandpa would babysit me (though I never really thought of it that way). We would make sure there would be a frozen pizza in the freezer for that reason. Grandpa would make the pizza and I would go up to his John Wayne collection and pick out a movie. It wasn’t a huge surprise most nights of which one it would be, I had some favorites. It would be either El Dorado, Hondo, The Comancheros,The Sons of Katie Elder or True Grit. Sometimes there were others, like Donovan’s Reef, The Quiet Man or McClintock if he could talk me into them, but more often then not, it was El Dorado. And we would watch it together and my grandpa would fall asleep in his chair while we were. I also had a sneaking suspicion that my grandpa was John Wayne undercover, but was eventually disabused of this notion. The ritual was safe. It was comforting and there are some days that I miss it more than I can stand. Today was one of them. There is so much more to write about this amazing man, but for now I will leave it as such. 

But as usual, my amazing guy came to my rescue and still managed for me to pull a depressed day into a marvelous one. Even 10 hours away. 


Typing while a cat is walking across you is very difficult, though adorable, because that means that he’s finally paying attention to me, which, for my cat, is pretty remarkable. I feel like I’ve been slacking here lately, but that’s because a lot of what’s going on is mental jumping jacks. Some is relationship thinking, but there has been enough boy drama on here so I’ll leave it to the people who are involved and everyone else can ask me straight up :)

I have been in the application ongoing for something significant since about… October/November(?) and I have finally been told where I could be going. Now comes the inner debate on what I should do. Because accepting it would mean potentially loosing all my hard work at the internship that has been incredible for me, not only because I’ve been able to rub it in my mom’s face but because I am doing something I am actually interested in and could (and probably will) lead to my dream job of editing.The question becomes: what should I do?Should I stay in the US and pursue my internship/ dream  job or should I take off to Eastern Europe for 27 months?

Thoughts and Ramblings: catch up edition

So, I’m slightly sick but still realize that I haven’t posted one of these in forever…. So now it’s time. I have a fancy new technology to post stuff with and make my life easier and now it means that I can enjoy being an adult. Um… Yeah. Have no idea about what that entails, but here are my life goals:
Become an editor
Get back in shape
Dive lots (dive master and maybe be paid to dive)
Dance lots (continue to get paid and then even teach)
Get married (to the love of my life of course)
Have a vacation home in Aruba
Be surrounded by my family, friends and loved ones (which in theory could be all the same)
Laugh a lot
Dream big
Travel the world
Be happy

Now that I’m back in Vegas, I want to get back in shape and hopefully not be too bored. I’m working on a spazzy new blog that will serve no purpose but to entertain me and whomever I share it with. Right now, I miss my friends, I miss my house and I miss SLC… I will be seeing some of them soon but it’s nothing like looking at my phone at 1 am and seeing the invite to watch futurama and get Del Taco. It’s nothing like that Tuesday text offering to go to the tea grotto because there’s time between class. It’s nothing like that Friday night phone call from my big asking if I’m still awake and if I want to go to the westerner. It’s nothing like wandering into a sisters room and leave an hour later having a completely different outlook on the guy you’re dating and being so thrilled that your sister is finally dating the guy whose been giving her a year long headache. It’s nothing like playing catchphrase at the dinner table with your sisters. It’s definitely nothing like taking that searing first breath in that snowstorm and wanting to just turn right back around and go back to bed. Life in Salt lake had it’s ups and downs but right now, I would give almost anything to be back…. Which is why I want to be back there by August. Good goal. Now, preparation and followthrough….